The Big Island of Hawaii has some of the island’s least expensive hotel rooms. In days gone by it was the Hilo Hukilau where #### roaches doubled as slippers during the day. The Big Island also has some of the most expensive hotels. Starting at just $5,500 a night.

The Kona side of the Big Island is the bona fide resort area featuring some of the finest hotels in the world. Certainly the most pretentious. The Hilton Waikoloa lets you swim with the dolphins, ride their own monorail, or take a boat down the canal from one end of the hotel property to the other.

Hilton suites pale in significance—and cost—to those of the Hapuna Beach Prince Hotel just down the highway.

Hapuna Beach often shows up in Top 10 Beaches of the World lists. Conde Nast Traveler calls it the Number One Beach in America. That’s just the beach. The hotel is something else again. Remarkably, the Hapuna Beach web site (PrinceResortsHawaii.com) has the usual fare of luxurious rooms and amenities—but says that the heart of the hotel is the state-of-the-art “meeting facilities.”

What’s with that?

It’s nice to know that the Hapuna Ballroom is over 8,000 square feet of banquet space and can handle 650 people. In fact, they have six other smaller conference rooms and an open-air courtyard with a capacity of 500 for a reception.

Great.

How much are the rooms?

As much as $7,000 a night for the 4 bedroom suite. Hey, that’s a bargain at less than $300 an hour. That could make for some rather expensive afternoon delight.

It takes a few clicks to get the skinny on Hapuna Suites, but the reading is certainly pleasurable. Like Harry Potter. Fanciful, unlikely, but fun reading.

Here’s what you get for $7,000 a night (only $5,500 if you choose a one bedroom suite):

Your own private driveway. Try that at your neighborhood Holiday Inn. You also have access to your own porte cochere. That’ll be nice to know once I call around to find out exactly what a porte cochere really is.

Sounds French—might have difficulty getting someone to admit they know what porte cochere means.

What else do you get for your $7,000 a day? 8,000 square feet of living space. 8,000 square feet? Is that with the car in the garage? I’d hate to see the air conditioning bill for that place. Whew. It gets hot in the summer over there with all that sunshine.

I assume that’s with clean towels and sheets each day.

Think about this for a moment. How big is the biggest hotel suite you’ve ever been in? 500 square feet? 750 tops. OK, what’s it take to furnish a suite that size? At the Hapuna Suite they used up $1,000,000 to furnish the rooms—artwork, furnishings, more furnishing, very, very expensive shampoo bottles.

At that price they cold monogram the towels using the initials of each guest. And let you keep the towels.

Wait. There’s more.

Private baths and lanais (a porch for mainland folks) for each suite (along with that porte cochere). A full-service gourmet kitchen (to me, full service means there’s someone in there asking me what I want to eat). Living room. Dining room and den. Private swimming pool. Personal suite attendants.

Also included is the location—30-minutes from Kona Internation Airport. Woo hoo.

There you have it. Check the credit limit on your MasterCard. $7,000 a night can add up rather quickly.

For more details, click to PrinceResortsHawaii.com, or Click Here. As you’d expect, you may call toll free 800-882-6060 to talk to the Hapuna Suite Manager, Ms. Roxane Yun. She’ll appreciate the call. Chat for awhile. Ask for a full description of the Hapuna Suites. Try not to gasp when she mentions the $7,000 a night price tag.

Not including state and local taxes.

Want to know the best places to eat in Hawaii? Click over to Ono Dining for totally biased reviews on Hawai's best (and not so best) restaurants.